Unconsciously Conscious: Part Two

Sometimes I want to drink coffee with two sugars all day until I become sedated just waiting waiting waiting for my metal heart to explode but some people say that I don't have a heart anyway and sometimes I believe them because I'm so cold and I'm so bitter and I don't let anyone in and I just want to lay down somewhere quiet and wonder why I'm like this and why I'm so scared of people and why I wait and wait for something that I'm not sure is coming and just listen to music and pretend that it can transform me into something that I'm not and sometimes I want to yell at people and tell them to leave me alone and to stop pressuring me because truth is you have all crumbled me down into a million pieces and locked each part of me in your secret wardrobe and swallowed the key and now I'm reduced to nothing and sometimes I wait for someone to come and put me back together but I know you aren't coming because you don't care anymore and you say we are too different but the truth is that I don't really know who I am anymore because I've dropped pieces of my personality in lakes and rivers and they've washed away and sometimes I can't even take photographs because I'm scared of documenting dark times like this because I don't want people to ever feel the way I do because it's torture and sometimes I want to run so fast that my lungs burn and catch fire and sometimes I want to sit under water and see if I can convince myself to start breathing and sometimes I wonder if I'm even real or is this just a big game to see how long I last and when I drink wine I lay on the ground and convince myself that I can stop my heart from beating and sometimes I think that if I shut my eyes for long enough I'll disappear.